


what a wonderful way to say you love me

by pasdecoeur



Series: symbrock works [3]
Category: Venom (Movie 2018)
Genre: Crack, Mpreg, Other, please jesus god look away, this is the dumbest fucking thing i've written, tw: PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-15
Updated: 2018-10-15
Packaged: 2019-08-02 12:10:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16304954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pasdecoeur/pseuds/pasdecoeur
Summary: "Wait... so you're pregnant?"





	what a wonderful way to say you love me

"Wait, so you're... pregnant?" Annie looks way too fascinated for this to be a fun conversation, and Dan's staring at his stomach in a way that makes Eddie think of vivsected frogs in ninth grade biology. 

"What?! _No!_ " 

Venom snakes out from his side to interject, <Yes. We are pregnant.> 

Venom is a little shit. 

<<I heard that.>>

_'Good.'_

Annie beams, clasping her hands to her heart. Is she _crying._ "Oh Eddie! That's wonderful!"

"It is?"

<<It is?>>

"You're going to be a dad!"

<<No you're not.>>

"No I'm not. Venom says so."

This doesn't faze her in the least. Dan still hasn't looked away from his stomach.

"Nonsense, what does he know about having kids. Now. Are you supposed to be doing anything? Vitamins? Supplements? Dietary planning?"

<Yes,> Venom hisses out loud. <He needs to eat more people.>

"Aaaaand that's my cue," Dan yelps, kicking back his chair. "Hey, uh, you know. Congrats. I'd suggest an MRI, but-"

Venom rears forward like an angry cat, slamming Dan against a wall in a way that Eddie will acknowledge is, in fact,  _deeply_ sexual, now that it isn't happening to him. 

<No MRI,> he snarls right into Dan's face. 

Dan nods jerkily, and then slides down the wall in a boneless heap, when Venom let's him go and curls around Eddie like a small, possessive octopus. Annie scowls at Venom and is throughly ignored in favour licking Eddie's face. <We will eat him,> he announces.

"No!" Annie looks horrified and Venom could not give less of a fuck. Eddie can feel in his head how absolutely zero fucks Venom gives. " _Venom!_ No eating my boyfriend!"

"You can't eat Dan, buddy," Eddie adds in, gentle, letting his fingers sift through the dark, tense strands of Venom's construct, letting the tension bleed through their bond until it dissolves, leaving behind only the sharp sting of adrenaline. Sometimes, they still wake up, in the middle of the night, screaming until their throat is bloody, feeling like they're about to vibrate right out of their skin.

The MRI is not the sort of thing Eddie will ever be able to joke about. 

<<Hmph. We shall not eat Dan. Today.>>

"That's the spirit." He smiles at Anne, glances apologetically at Dan. "I think we'll take off. Anne, thanks for the coffee. Dan, maybe you should check for a concussion. Venom can toss people pretty hard."

"Yeah?" Dan slurs, drowsily. "How 'bout y'go fuck yourself, Eddie."

"M'kay. I'll get right on that."

<<Seriously. We could just _eat him._ >>

* * *

They arrive at the news office's bullpen just in time for the evening rush, the stragglers filing copy in a mad rush before they go to press, while section chiefs scream themselves hoarse and copywriters contract low-grade caffeine poisoning, trying to get SparkXpress to interface with InCopy and bring the whole goddamn network down instead. 

Man. He's missed worked at proper newspapers. There's nothin' like the overwhelming sense of doom to get you on your A-game. 

Eddie makes his way to the chief's office slowly. 

"What happens when the kid's born?" Eddie asks, as he steps past a knot of sobbing interns, who've likely just realized they won't be paying off their j-school loans for another decade.

<<It... will be alive?>>

"Jesus, _no_ , Captain Obvious, I mean- will the baby be able to survive outside a host?"

<<Oh. Oh no. We have made a grave mistake. We have symbiosed with a fucking _moron_. >>

"Goddamn jumped-up little tapeworm... Answer the question."

<< _Yes_ , Eddie,>> and the _'you mental fucking headcase'_ is loudly implied,  <<the offspring will need a host. _Obviously._ >>

Eddie knocks on the chief's door, and is roared at to _'ENTER!'_

"Hey boss."

"Don't call me boss."

"Cool. You got a photog to spare? I need to cover the protest at the Riviera."

"To spare," the chief repeats,toothbrush moustache quivering already. "To _spare?!_  Do you think I run a personal rental agency for you, Brock?" The chief's getting purpler in the face but Eddie's not worried. It's when he hits puce that there's actually a problem - and right now they're only hovering around a very comfortable lavender. "I don't have a stable of second-rate photojournalists I can just _whore out_ to you whenever you fuckin' swan in, _Brock_ -"

To Eddie's right, the door creaks open. A kid sticks his head in. "Hi Mr. Jameson. You called?"

<<He looks nutritious. He will be good for the offspring.>>

"Oh my god, _shut up._ "

Jonah Jameson turns to glare at Eddie. "I _beg_ your pardon."

"Uh." Eddie squirms. "Nothing?"

Jameson growled. "Mm. Here's an idea. Take the kid."

<<Ssssseeee? Take the kid! _Eat_ the kid! >>

"If he dies," Jameson threatens, "I'm paying insurance from your wallet."

"I have literally never hurt a photographer!"

Jameson glares. 

"Much," Eddie corrects hastily. "It was _one fracture,_ jesus, what kind of a pussy can't handle **_one_** tiny fracture?!"

"He was in physical therapy for _six months,_ Brock."

"Ehhh." Eddie glances at the teenager, before turning back to Jameson. "The kid's a photographer?"

"The _kid_ ," the kid says snottily, "has a _name_. And a camera."

Eddie grins. "And a shitty attitude, apparently." But that's usually a good thing. "I'm Eddie. Eddie Brock."

The kid beams back, and sticks out his hand. Manners, and everything. Wow. "I know! I followed your whole series on the DA's office- it was _great."_

<<...maybe we don't eat him.>>

 _'Narcissist,'_ Eddie says, and feels Venom uncurl deep inside him, smug and drowsy and content, spreading a golden, aching warmth all the way down to his toes.

<<The offspring will need a host, Eddie,>> Venom purrs silkily, fooling absolutely _no one_.  <<I care about the offspring.>>

Eddie barely stops himself from rolling his eyes, and shakes the outstretched hand. Kid's got an excellent grip. "You got a name, buddy?"

"Peter," he replies, adjusting the strap of messenger bag as they leave Jameson's office. He has brown eyes and an open smile, tense, vibrant energy rolling off him in waves. Like a puppy, if puppies were dosed up on crack. "Peter Parker."

**Author's Note:**

> work title from that paul anka hellsong i shall not name.  
> for more quality symbrock content -and my bullshit- find me on tumblr @pasdecoeur.


End file.
